I have not spoken about our adoption for quite some time now. Originally, my husband and I had decided to adopt from China. Last fall, as the waiting times for China were growing ever longer and the approaching Olympics were forcasted to slow the process even more, we began tossing around ideas for other countries to consider. We strongly considered Ukraine. But then my dear hubby began thinking about the increased expense, the fact that he is a student and loans would come due next summer, and considering that we plan for me to me a stay-at-home-mom…well, he started to get anxious about the money factor. So we discussed it some more. He pointed out that there are children here at home, as well as abroad, who are in need of families. It would also put a lot less financial pressure on us to adopt domestically. We prayed about it and decided to pursue a domestic infant adoption. We researched local agencies, since we no longer needed the expensive international agency. (Hint: US adoption and China adoption costs were virtually the same.) We found a local agency we were comfortable with, met with our social worker, and began the and paperwork process…although we were slow in doing it. We were fingerprinted and completed most of our required training.

We were both excited that we would be adopting an infant, rather than a toddler. I had accepted the fact that we would not have a biological child, and I was okay with that. I did not think it was at all likely, and I had ceased even to think about it.

Then the surprise happened: I recently found out that I am pregnant!!!!!

Nobody was more amazed than me, except perhaps my husband. After I told him, he surprised me with a dozen gorgeous red and gold roses. We are putting the adoption on hold for now. We do still plan to adopt in the future, but it is rather hard right now to be picked by an expectant mother when I myself and expecting.

I would appreciate prayers, however, because I have been put on bed rest by my doctor. I hope it is not a repeat of the last time I was pregnant (six weeks of bed rest, and I lost the baby), and I am trying to be optimistic. I am awaiting test results, and praying that everything is alright. More than anything, my husband and I want this to be a healthy full-term baby. I know that it is in God’s hands, and his sovereign plan will prevail.

My awesome, wonderful, super-smart husband made it for me.

Okay, so it is the little things in life that thrill me.

My husband is not so sure if he is thrilled. He says it looks like a memorial. But he was so kind and patient as I kept giving directions. He was kind and patient as he implemented said changes. He was even kind and patient while putting up with my temperamental template. When I offered to look for a new template that would be more conducive to implementing other changes I wanted, he saw the work stacking up and said that my current template was fine – really. Lol. I love my husband.

Ok, I know I promised an announcement quite a while ago, so here goes:

for lily, my new Etsy shop, is now open!!!!

The purpose of this shop is to help raise money for the adoption, hence the name “for lily.” I plan to list more items tomorrow when the lighting is better for taking pictures. The first items I am offering are my box bags that are such a convenient carrier for knitting projects. They also work well as cosmetic bags.

My husband works in IT. A few months ago he found out that his department was going to be outsourced to another company. He was told that his options were to either transfer to the new company, find another position with his current employer, or resign. He decided to see what his options were, and began applying for jobs, both within his current employer and with other companies. He applied for several that he was more than qualified for, and for one that interested him but that he was underqualified for. He did not even expect a call about that one. Time went by and he did not get called for any interviews. Then the call came requesting an interview for the job that he had thought would never call…they wanted him to interview that same afternoon. So he went to the interview. They asked questions. He did not know the answers. He was honest with them and told them this was an area he was interested in getting into, but that he did not know a lot about it, and what he did know was self-taught. The told him that the questions they asked were about information he needed to know to perform the job. They offered him an opportunity: If they gave him two weeks to study, could he come back in and answer their questions? His first instinct was to say no, but he reminded himself that this was an interview and he should be positive. So he said yes. After work that day he went to Borders and purchased a book. He studied for two weeks. They called and requested another interview. Benjamin said he thought the interview went well. He was able to answer many of their questions, although not all of them. Others interviewed for the position as well, some with experience. We waited. My husband’s boss called the group that had interviewed him because she wanted to put in a good word for him. She found out that he was one of the final two contenders for the position. They were considering Benjamin and someone else who had experience. She was told that they were impressed with how much he had learned in a short time, so now they were looking at capacity vs. experience.

A couple of weeks went by. Those in my husband’s department were told to contact HR to determine what their options were. My husband called HR and was told that he did not need to look at other options because they were going to make him an offer on the position he had interviewed for. The new position would normally pay about double what my husband currently makes, but nowhere else would he have a chance at the job without experience. The company’s policy is that the maximum pay increase in a job transfer is 15%. HR had submitted pay increase paperwork to the head North American office and was waiting for approval before they could offer him the job. So we waited some more…and we waited…and we waited. Finally we got the news: He got the job!!!! I am so proud of my husband and all of the effort he put forth. He will get a 21.5% pay increase and a sign on bonus!!!! And, instead of just a performance review in the spring, he will also get a salary review.

It is amazing how God provides. We have been sitting on our adoption application during this time. We wanted to know where we stood financially and with his job before submitting our paperwork. Now our application submission is going to coincide with his quarterly bonus for the job he currently holds, which will pay the application fee. His sign on bonus, after taxes, will be what we need to cover the homestudy fee. God has provided amazingly already, and we are only just beginning our adoption journey.

Also, during this waiting time, we have talked, researched, and prayed about the adoption. We have decided not to adopt an infant. I have struggled with the fact that there are so many waiting children that are being passed over for adoption because they are not babies. My husband, from the start, was talking about older children. After praying about it and discussing it, we decided to request a child aged 2-7.

Today we officially begin our “paperwork pregnancy.” We had received approval of our pre-application a couple of weeks ago and we have been eagerly waiting for our formal application package. The agency’s satellite office in our area is just opening, and we had to wait until they were officially through with all of the licensing/red tape, etc. before they could issue our application. Well, today it came in the mail! There is a whole mountain of paperwork just waiting for us to dive in. There are some basic questions like you would find on any application for a job, loan, mortgage, etc…but most of the packet seems to be essay questions. Questions about how my husband and I met, our personalities, our marriage, our childhood, our families…you get the idea. I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment because I know that each answer will be carefully analyzed, but I am also excited because this brings us another step closer to brining our daughter home.

There is not really much going on here in the way of adoption news. We are still waiting to receive some paperwork in the mail, so wait we shall. We knew there would be a lot of waiting. I have plans to reorganize the house from top to bottom and get rid of all the things we accumulate but do not really need. That is not going as well as I would like, but it is my own fault for not being more productive.

I do have a confession: I have succombed to the temptation and bought my first baby item! Because I am a knitter and we are adopting a little girl, it was just a matter of time really. I borrowed my sister’s Debbie Bliss baby knitting book and I have decided to start with a sweater. I went to my local yarn shop and picked up some baby yarn in an appropriate color (she did not have as many to choose from as I had hoped for). I have no clue what size she will be. The average age at the time of adoption is 12-14 months, but many of the girls are in 9 month clothing. So, I have to decide whether to knit a 9-12 month or 12-24 month garment. Probably the latter, so that she can grow into it and it will fit longer. I do not plan to knit a lot of things for her…just a sweater, maybe some socks, and a blanket. But I just could not help but want to make something special for her. It will also be a way to break up the monotony of waiting.  If I stay busy preparing for her over the next two years then I will be less inclined to become discouraged while waiting.

Nihao means “hello” in Mandarin, the most commonly spoken Chinese dialect. Benjamin and I decided that since we are adopting a Chinese daughter and going to China, that it would be a good opportunity to learn Chinese! We found a great website called ChinesePod, which lets you download Chinese lessons to your iPod along with printouts containing vocabulary and pronunciation to accompany each lesson. There are various levels of lessons: Newbie, Elementary, Intermediate, Upper Intermediate, Advanced. Right now we have started with “newbie” and have found it to be quite a lot of fun! We are using the free trial for now, and we are contemplating a subscription when that runs out.

It has always been our desire to have a family. We have both felt that it is our calling to raise children. We have struggled through a high risk pregnancy, months on bedrest, and the loss of our baby. We also have struggled through infertility and specialists and all of the uncomfortable examinations, tests, medications, side effects, and emotional upheaval that come along with that. Last summer we took a step back from all of it. I stopped seeing the specialist. I stopped the medications. I stopped the tests. The avenue we were going down could only end with in vitro fertilization. I had been reading the story of Abraham and Sarah in my Bible. They wanted a child and God had promised them a child. But they could not wait for God’s timing and God’s plan. Instead, Sarah took matters into her own hands and suggested her maid Hagar as a surrogate mother. Sarah wanted a child so bad that she decided to make it happen instead of waiting for God’s perfect plan. At this point in my quest to have a child, aside from all of the moral and ethical problems I have with in vitro fertilization, I could not continue to pursue this sort of treatment. It would be my equivalent of trying to make it happen for us, rather than trusting God. We took a break, relaxed, and left the matter in God’s hands.

During that time, which included the one year anniversary of losing our baby as well as the anniversary of my due date, I struggled. I had horrible dreams wherein I was reliving the emotional agony of losing my child. They were so vivid and real that my distress even woke my husband, who in turn woke me. We talked of adoption, but had the problem of feeling like it would be “settling” to not have biological children. We had the normal fears and concerns of not having our “own” children. We prayed and left our family plans in God’s charge.

It is amazing what God can do. I have had a total change of heart regarding the “settling” issue. After much prayer and discussion, we have decided to adopt. We are adopting a little girl from China!!!!  I am so excited that I can hardly contain myself. I feel as if I am just going to burst! It is the same feeling I had when I found out I was pregnant, only – if you can belive this – I am actually more excited! It is also so easy to feel peace and trust that God has chosen our daughter for us already and is in charge of this whole process. It will be a long journey, about 18 months to 2 years, before we bring her home, but that is okay. She will be about a year old when she comes home and we pray for her even now, though she has not yet been born. I know there are a lot of obstacles ahead in our journey (expenses, mountains of paperwork, the homestudy, and things we have not yet forseen) but we know that we can depend on God and He will help us through it one step at a time. All of the obstacles will strengthen our trust in God, build our character, prepare us further for parenthood, and make the union with our daughter that much sweeter.

Because I want to be able to look back at our journey through this process, I do plan to chronicle our adoption adventure on this blog, complete with all of the ups and downs we encounter along the way. I have enjoyed reading the blogs of others who have adopted from China before me and their stories have helped me to know both what to expect and also to anticipate how rewarding it all will be in the end.

So now you know our secret.