I do not have words to express the tremendous grief that I feel right now. Though I have been down this road before, that does not make losing this little one any easier. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant, but also afraid. Afraid to be happy, afraid to anticipate a future for our child because of the loss we had experienced in the past. Now my fears have become my reality. I am tired and do not have words to express myself adequately. I have spent my energy on prayers and tears. Now I just feel empty. I know that God is sovereign, and that he has allowed this tragedy, but I struggle because I do not understand. Loss of a child is so painful, no matter what the stage of life. I am still amazed at how quickly I became attached, in spite of my reservations. Maybe one day I will have a chance to be a mother. I can hope and I can pray. The rest is in the hands of God.

I shall be taking a break from blogging for a while. I just need some time.

Thank you for all of your prayers, well wishes, and kind words!  I am still on bedrest, but I am optimistic and hopeful.  I did have some more blood work done today, but will not have the results until tomorrow.

The days crawl by, but I am passing my time as you see above:  lying on the couch and knitting, sometimes enjoying an audiobook or podcast.  My husband has graciously loaned me his MacBook so that I can at least feel connected to the world without disrupting my rest.  He’s the best!  I can read my favorite blogs, check my email, or read about the Brown-headed Cowbird.  The hardest thing for me right now is resisting the urge to get up and clean house (especially when something is within my line of vision) or do laundry.  The health of our baby is so much more important than my Monk-like urges!